Declaring War for Love (Part 3)

June 6th, 2024:

Ms. Mei (Xiao Mei), sixth from the left, crossing the street when walking from the Regina Miracle Factory to the nearby urban village

Xiao Mei did not come to Shenzhen alone, though. She brought all her personal documents with her. Secretly, without her parents knowing. “I stole my own documents from my parents. I took hold of them and brought them to Shenzhen with me; I took hold of my marriage.” A few months after returning to Shenzhen, Xiao Mei took hold of Li Bai’s hand and of their marriage, and they brought their documents to become legally registered couples. The wedding? An informal, small banquet at Li Bai’s hometown, a whisper of dreams deferred but not forgotten. “I didn’t dare invite my parents or anyone from my hometown. It wasn’t until the next New Year, when my father brought up matchmaking again, that I told them I’m married. He fainted on the spot.”

In the two years following, Li Bai and Xiao Mei worked hard. They worked more and spent less, saving thicker and thicker bundles of money to mail to Xiao Mei’s parents in honor of the Confucian moral principle of filial piety. “First 800 yuan, later 1000, and even sometimes 1200, when demand for clothing was high.” Filial piety means loving, respecting, and being good and obedient to one’s parents; taking good care of them; supporting them financially and emotionally; giving birth to male heirs to carry on the patrilineal family lineage…so on. “If we show filial piety to my parents, maybe they will accept Li Bai.” What if they don’t? “Well…I guess we’ll have to keep trying. There’s no end to filial piety. Life goes on and it’s my life that I chose to lead.”

Li Bai bought many gifts for Xiao Mei’s parents on important festivals. But he was never allowed to enter their home whenever Xiao Mei and Li Bai paid a visit. Xiao Mei’s father refused to speak to Li. But in the third year after Xiao Mei and Li were married, Xiao Mei’s father fell seriously ill and was hospitalized. Li Bai left work for two weeks to care for him. “He took leave, and that was equivalent to taking the risk of being fired. Us factory workers don’t have a lot of breaks or holidays. The assembly lines have many moving parts – A’s products become B’s inputs, and C and D and E depend on B’s outputs as their inputs. The lines need to produce, it can’t stop, and it won’t stop for one or two people. If you take a long enough time to stay away from work, the factory owner will find a substitute and ask you to stay away from their assembly lines forever.”

Li was not fired. “But the most important thing is not about the job.” During this time, Xiao Mei’s father came to see Li Bai as sincere, kind, and attentive, gradually – though reluctantly – accepting him. Xiao Mei no longer had conflicts with her parents over this marriage or any other personal decisions. In Xiao Mei’s hometown, she and Li Bai became a “legitimate couple,” giving birth to a daughter in 2009 and a son in 2016.

Like most female workers in Shenzhen’s garment factories, Xiao Mei switched jobs many times over her 23-year career. Sometimes for higher wages, better working conditions, or simply because she was tired of the old job. Sometimes she didn’t have a choice: pregnancy, childcare, and factory closures also forced changes to her life. But she still fought for her right to choose. The fight started 23 years ago, from the moment she decided to pursue a life as a migrant worker to Shenzhen against her parents’ will and the social norms. Fighting against centuries-old traditions is no easy task, yet she spoke of her past lightly.